Leap of Faith
by distinctlydotty
Summary: Harry Potter is in his sixth year at Hogwarts and he's feeling the pressure of the events of last term. Struggling to cope with the loss of Sirius and the meaning of the prophecy, he starts to slip into despair. Can anyone save him from himself? HPLL


Disclaimer: I don't own any of these characters etc. I am not making a profit from this. Believe me. 

A/N: This is my first attempt at FanFiction. Be kind – leave a review – all criticism greatly appreciated.

Harry trudged back unenthusiastically towards Gryffindor Tower, his Firebolt slung over his shoulder. He was soaked through to the skin and freezing cold. That, however, was the least of his worries. Voldemort was up to no good, Snape was unrelenting in his persecution of Harry, Draco was badly in need of a slap, and worst of all, Hermione and Ron had found out about the contents of the prophecy. 

"I must have been mental," he growled, kicking himself again for blurting it out in the middle of an argument. To top it all, however, Harry's subconscious had obviously decided that he wasn't under enough pressure this year, because even though he was now studying towards his NEWTS, he had accepted the position of Gryffindor Quidditch captain. "I must have been mental!" he repeated.

As captain, Harry had responsibilities. Responsibilities, on top of those relating to defeating the most powerful Dark Wizard of all time, and saving both the wizarding world and the Muggle world, at the same time. But, he had to focus at one thing at a time. One at a time. Quidditch. This year's Gryffindor team wasn't working cohesively. 

Harry was still Seeker and Ron was still Keeper – so far so good. Unfortunately, that's as far as the good news went, as it was the other five team members that were worrying him. Katie Bell, Ginny Weasley, and, to everyone's surprise, Colin Creevey, were the new Chasers. Harry had retained Jack Sloper and Andrew Kirke because they were, quite literally, the best of a bad bunch. Additionally, Harry and Ron still hadn't broken them of their tendency to both pursue the same bludger. Harry had lost count of the times that he had explained to them that if they both targeted the same bludger, they were leaving their other team-mates open to hits from the other bludger. "Which is not good," he said, with extreme frustration, succumbing once more to the perils of talking to oneself. "One Beater to one bludger!" They just couldn't seem to grasp the concept. 

The Chasers were not working together – after working with Angelina and Alicia for so long, Katie was finding it difficult to work with Ginny and Colin. Ginny was an excellent flyer and learned the different plays very quickly, but Colin, although he too, was an excellent flyer, didn't like to pass the quaffle. Harry believed that Colin thought that he was the only Chaser on the team. In practise sessions he would pass to the other Chasers but as soon as anyone was watching, particularly Hermione, he would not pass to his fellow Chasers.

Harry sighed and shook the water from his fringe. Truth be told, he was actually considering resigning the post of Quidditch Captain to Ron. Ron had been invaluable to Harry in relation to the management of the team, and Harry also reasoned that as Ron grew up with Quidditch, he knew far more about the different plays and strategies than Harry ever could – Ron would be a better captain for Gryffindor. 

Away from Quidditch, Ron was brilliant. He lifted Harry's spirits, was supportive, and still managed to make him laugh. Ron was helping Harry to bear the weight of his responsibilities, and Harry knew that would never be able to express his gratitude to Ron in words.

Hermione had also been a great help – she kept him motivated, gave advice and help with, amongst other things, school work. She was his rock. Whatever happened, Harry knew that she would always stick by him. 

Hermione and Ron had been a tower of strength for Harry and he needed them now, more than ever. Unfortunately, due to that stupid argument of one week ago, Harry had said a few things that he shouldn't have. He could still see the looks on their faces, once they had heard the whole thing. It was terrible. He didn't want to think about it right now. He couldn't think about it right now. 

He had arrived at the portrait of the Fat Lady. Ron and Hermione would be in the common room right now and he couldn't bear to be with them or to see their pitying glances. As much as he needed his closest friends, he also needed solitude. He needed time to think. He needed a little peace. He turned and decided to go for something to eat instead.

He was greeted as enthusiastically as usual by Dobby, who then provided him with a pot of tea and a plate of cauldron cakes. Harry ate and drank quickly by the fireplace in the kitchen, whereupon Dobby filled Harry in on the goings on of the house-elves, students, and staff. Once he was dry, stuffed with cakes and tea, Harry excused himself from the kitchen. Harry knew that if Hermione ever found out that he had been down here, she would ask Dobby how Harry behaved and what he had said. She was very worried about him.

Looking out of a window, Harry could see that the rain had stopped and that the stars were shining through a break in the clouds. From this angle he couldn't see Sirius' name-sake, the Dog star. Harry had found that watching the Dog star had helped him think and he felt that Sirius was still with him – even though he wasn't. Checking his watch, he found that it was just after nine and that he was still within curfew, so with his Firebolt still in hand, he set off towards the Astronomy Tower.

He pushed the Tower door open and walked onto the star-gazing platform. Looking around, he found that he was not the only person who was looking for peace and solitude. Luna Lovegood was sitting on the battlements, with her back to him, her legs dangling in the open air. She did not seem to notice that Harry was there. She sat reading the Quibbler by the light that was provided by the tip of her wand, still stuck behind her ear. 

"_That's why she keeps it there!_" thought Harry. 

He looked upwards and searched the sky for Sirius. After finding it, he sat on the floor with his back to the wall, and watched it twinkle. He thought about everything that Voldemort had done to him since he was born. He thought about the current situation in the wizarding world. He thought about all the people whom he had hurt, directly or indirectly, because he was the Boy Who Lived. He thought about the future and the fight that was to come. He thought about everyone he knew and wondered if they'd all survive. He thought about those things a lot. 

Eventually, after what seemed like hours, his glaze shifted from the Dog star to Luna. As far as he was concerned, she was still a mystery, but she was a girl, so that was probably why. He could understand Hermione's way of thinking, but Luna was so _unusual_. She was so different to Hermione.

Hermione thought from A, through to B, and arrived at C. Luna, as far as he could make out, thought from A, through Z and then through the rest of the alphabet to arrive at C, and when she got to C, she would then consider the possibility of B. 

Hermione said that Luna was a _lateral thinker_, Ginny said that Luna was _unique_, Neville said that Luna was _a bit scary_, and Ron said that Luna was _nuts_. 

Ginny, Neville, and Luna had all been told the truth about everything that had happened to Harry since his introduction to the wizarding world. In some ways, it was actually a bit of a relief, as now he got five different points of view and not just Ron's and Hermione's, and therefore received a broader spectrum of ideas, theories, and, much to his chagrin, pity.

Harry picked himself up and made his way over towards Luna.

"Hello Harry," said Luna, "are you ready to talk yet?"

"What? Oh…I-I-I d-didn't think you heard me," Harry stammered, taken aback. 

"Oh, yes," Luna replied dreamily, "you've been here for ages, but I didn't want to interrupt your thoughts. Are you ready to talk now?"

Tentatively, Harry asked, "What about?" 

Luna folded the Quibbler and put it in her robe's inside pocket, then looked over her shoulder at him. "Whatever's troubling you," she smiled sadly, "but you don't have to, if you don't want to, Harry."

Harry shifted uneasily. "Yeah, I know." He picked up his Firebolt and walked over to lean on the wall beside her. Staring out into the distance, he said hopelessly, "It's just…well, it's not bloody fair. What did I do to deserve all this? I'm sick off it all." He sighed again.

Over the summer, he had burnt out all of his anger on the injustice of his situation, and was left wallowing in the pit of despair that had been threatening to consume him for months. "I'm gonna die, Luna." He looked into her eyes. "He's gonna kill me. I'm gonna die."

Harry saw no pity in Luna's eyes as he waited for her to react. Suddenly, she laughed. She laughed unrestrainedly, drumming her heels against the wall of the tower. Hearing laughter as a response when he'd just spoken his innermost thoughts was ever so slightly unnerving to Harry.

Harry reached out towards her and took hold of her upper arm as she rocked back and forth in mirth, clutching at her sides and gasping for breath. Still taken back by the fact that she was laughing and that she might fall from the tower's battlements, Harry asked, incredulously, "Luna! Are you okay?"

Slowly, Luna composed herself, nodded soberly, and promptly burst into further fits of laughter. Watching her, Harry started to laugh nervously, "Don't bloody laugh, Luna! It's not funny!" This statement merely increased Luna's gaiety, but by now he was laughing too hard to care.

Everything that had happened recently, all the pressures, the pain, the torment, all of Harry's frustrations were coming out in a rush of laughter. It felt wonderful. He felt so light and carefree. He no longer had this huge burden, crushing him. He laughed so hard that he made his throat hurt. He laughed with Luna until he thought he was going to be sick.

Bent double, tears still blinding him, he managed to say, "That feels good! I haven't done that in ages!" He hiccuped slightly, and began to massage his aching stomach. 

Finally, when Luna had calmed herself enough to wipe the tears from her eyes, she hit him lightly on the arm. "You're so silly!"

He chuckled, "I'm not being silly, Luna. I'm telling you the truth." He sniggered gently, "I'm gonna die."

She laughed again. "No you're not! You're going to live, Harry! You're going to win!"

He shook his head. "How can you be so sure? Either I die or I become a murderer. I don't want to die, but I don't want to be a murderer either."

"Harry, I don't know what's going to happen, or how it's going to happen, but I do know you're going to win. I don't want you to become a murderer, but I don't want you to be murdered either." She smiled up at him, her eyes shining in the moonlight. "I have faith in you Harry."

Harry was disappointed. Luna didn't understand at all. He had thought that, perhaps, because she had a different perspective on life, that she might understand. Harry's heart sank, he was wrong and she was the same as the rest of them. His mood began to rapidly darken.

Harry snorted, "Faith? It's going to take more than faith! It's going to take a miracle!" Looking back at her, he saw he had offended her. "I didn't mean that in a bad way, and it's nice that you have faith in me, but it's going to take more than that to save me and everyone else," he finished quickly.

Frowning, she said, "Faith is all you need, Harry. Faith in your abilities. Faith in your friends. Faith in yourself. Faith in your heart." Another sad smile crossed her features. "You've got to have faith, Harry."

"I don't even know what faith is," said Harry bitterly. "How can I have faith in myself? I'm good for nothing, Luna! I'm useless – I walked into a trap, and Sirius paid for my stupidity with his life! He died because of my incompetence! It's just a matter of time until Voldemort gets me! Voldemort's gonna kill me! I'm gonna fail!"

"No, you're not," Luna said serenely.

"Yes, I am!" Harry retorted.

"No, you're not," Luna said in a sing-song voice.

"Yes – I – am!" Harry said through gritted teeth.

"No, Harry, you're not. Here!" She got to her feet. "Allow me give you a demonstration."

Harry scowled at her, he wasn't in the mood for a demonstration. "Wh-?" Harry began, but the words died in his throat when Luna jumped off the Astronomy Tower and into the dark night.

Harry didn't even stop to think. He still had his Firebolt in his hand, and as he dove off the Tower after her, he kicked it into life. He saw her falling below him so he accelerated downward, towards the rapidly approaching ground. Lying low on his broom to try to reduce air resistance, he drew level with her. She waved at him. A fraction of a second later, he had passed her. The ground was only twenty metres away. Pulling his broom up sharply, he grabbed Luna by the waist and she fell into him, winding him slightly. As he urged the broom upward, away from the ground, he felt Luna's arms go round his neck. 

"See," she shouted over the rush of the wind, "I knew you'd save me. I had faith in you to save me."

Shocked, stunned, and not a little amazed, Harry nodded grimly, not trusting himself to speak at the moment, and with adrenaline still pumping through him.

Harry's brain had stalled completely. He simply was not capable of speech. He tried opening his mouth a couple of times but there were no words to describe what was going through his mind at the moment. His body, however, was expressing a quiet pleasure at Luna's presence. Her arms were still around his neck, she was resting her weight against his body, and one of his arms was still around her waist. _This feels nice_, said his body, _very nice_, it added suggestively. 

"Oh! Look at the Thestrals!" Luna pointed over towards the Forbidden Forest, where Harry saw about twelve Thestrals spiralling over the treetops.

"Oh. Yeah that's quite nice isn't it – HANG ON!" Harry pulled the broom to a halt. "What…! Why…! Eh…! Why did you do that?! You could've died!"

"No," she replied serenely, "I had faith in you to save me and you did. You can't deny it."

"Deny it! Deny it! You leapt off a tower to prove your point! Why?!"

They were floating lazily above the lake now, and Harry could see the ripples of moonlight reflecting off the lake and into Luna's eyes. "Doesn't the lake look pretty?" she said distractedly. She frowned slightly, "If Hogwarts is in Scotland, then why don't we call the Lake, the Loch?"

Caught off guard by this impeccably correct fact, Harry pondered it – he had to admit she had a point. Why do we call it the lake? Harry started again, "Wait a minute! Nice try, Luna. Don't change the subject. Why did you do it?"

"Oh, you needed a demonstration of faith and I gave you one," she replied vaguely.

A small gust of wind caught them slightly unaware and cut off Harry's reply, but he noticed with a small thrill that her arms tightened around his neck. He didn't realise that his arm had tightened around her waist.

Harry sat enjoying the sensation for a couple of seconds before he opened his mouth to speak again but Luna beat him to it. Looking off into the distance, she said, "We speak of three different types of faith, Harry. The first is faith in the form of admiration, that you have towards a particular person, like a father figure or role model, or a particular state of being, like being content or happy. The second is aspiring faith – there is a sense of emulation – you aspire to attain that state of being – you aspire to be content or happy." She looked into his eyes. "The third type is the faith of conviction."

Harry could do nothing but sit and stare into her eyes. "Harry, I want you to think about what I've just said."

Harry swallowed and nodded, unable to look anywhere except into her eyes. 

Luna smiled and looked away, "Well, curfew was over ages ago, and I've got homework to do. Can you take me to my dormitory window at Ravenclaw tower?"

Harry nodded again and turned his Firebolt around, and headed towards Ravenclaw Tower. She guided him to her window and pulled it open. "We always leave it unlocked," she confided to him in a whisper. "It can get rather stuffy in there."

Harry was acutely aware that he did not want to let go of Luna's waist, but she was looking down at his arm as if she just realised that it was there. Harry began to blush and he slowly withdrew his arm. When Luna looked up at him, he was slightly relieved to discover that she was blushing slightly too. They both looked away from each other. 

"Well, goodnight Harry," she said quietly. 

Fidgeting slightly, Harry nodded again, "Yeah, 'night."

He helped her onto the wide window ledge, and she looked around her dormitory. "I didn't think that any one would be in so early tonight – it's the Debating Society tonight," she said vaguely, climbing into the room. 

Harry was trying to look at Luna, but he found it easier to look past her and into her dormitory instead, whilst wondering what her lips would feel like. "Well, I'd better be getting back…"

"Oh, Harry!" she said leaning out of her window, "you won't forget to think about what I said, will you?"

"No, I'll definitely think about it Luna." Harry was suddenly gripped by the urge to kiss her. 

"Oh, good. Well, goodnight Harry." She pulled away from the window.

"Wait! Luna!" called Harry recklessly.

"Yes?" She stuck her head out of the window and watched him bring his Firebolt closer.

"Just one more thing before you go?" asked Harry, with a very dry mouth.

"Yes, what is it?"

"Um… Erm… This." Harry gently pressed his lips against hers. He drew away quickly and looked at her. She looked shocked. His stomach churned, why was she looking like that? "Er, was that ok?" he asked timidly.

She looked at him for a moment – to Harry it seemed like an eternity – and said dreamily, "No. It didn't last long enough." 

Harry grinned in relief. There was a noise from inside the dormitory and a female voice called, "Hi, Luna. Shut the window will you? It's too cold to leave it open tonight."

Luna smiled at Harry, then shut the window and drew the curtains.

As Harry turned his Firebolt towards the Gryffindor Tower, he considered the night's events. He had saved her – just liked he'd saved Ron, Hermione, Ginny, Sirius, and…well, a whole bunch of people. He'd made mistakes, very bad mistakes, he had been foolhardy, but he couldn't have sat back and done nothing. He had done what he thought was right – even if it had been a crazy idea, and would get him into trouble, he still did it. In his first, second, and fifth year at Hogwarts, he had fought because Dumbledore hadn't been there, in his third year he had fought because Dumbledore had told him to, and in his fourth year he fought because he had to… 

Harry realised that Luna had given him a lot to think about. Thinking of their kiss, he also realised that his future, although still dangerous and uncertain, would be a whole lot more interesting.

A/N: Well, you've made it this far! Congratulations! I am in need of a beta, a dog, a boyfriend, a place in drama school, a well-paid job, a shrink, and some very strong medication – if you can help email me! Ta ta for now!


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